


Gifts

by Mice



Series: Sea Change [7]
Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, references to Canon typical violence, unrequited Mathias Shaw/Edwin VanCleef
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:49:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26289757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mice/pseuds/Mice
Summary: After Baine Bloodhoof visits Stormwind, Anduin suggests that Mathias and Flynn take a little time to themselves. A holiday ensues, and Mathias talks about his past.
Relationships: Flynn Fairwind/Mathias Shaw
Series: Sea Change [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1875685
Comments: 34
Kudos: 75





	Gifts

The lack of information on the location of Slyvanas Windrunner and Nathanos Blightcaller would have been comic if it weren't so terrifying. Neither the Alliance nor the Horde could get any clear fix on either of them, or their cadre of followers that had abandoned the Horde in the aftermath of the mak'gora at the gates of Orgrimmar.

Anduin and High Chieftain Baine Bloodhoof had been meeting for the past two days at Stormwind Keep and exactly no new information had come to light. Everything that both sides had tried was coming up blank, and Mathias was deeply frustrated. He wanted nothing more than to go home after a long day of doing little more than standing on his feet like a decorative security expert and lie down. Preferably with Flynn.

Finally, blessedly, things ground to a halt. "I think that's all we can accomplish at this point," Anduin said. "Baine, I'll have dinner prepared for us, if you'd like to join me in my private rooms." 

"It would be my honor, Anduin." The two rose.

Anduin looked at him and gestured. "Thank you, Master Shaw, you may go."

"Then I'll see you tomorrow morning for High Chieftain Bloodhoof's departure, Your Majesty." Mathias let himself stretch just a bit, trying to unkink his shoulder.

Bloodhoof turned to him. "Master Shaw, may I have a few minutes of your time, privately?"

Puzzled, Mathias looked to Anduin, who nodded and gestured for him to accompany the tauren. He turned to Bloodhoof. "Of course, High Chieftain." He made a slight bow and followed the tauren from the room. Bloodhoof led him back to the chambers he'd been assigned for the duration of his visit. 

"Please, Master Shaw, be seated. I know you have been on your feet all day. I'm sure you would like a chance to rest."

Mathias sat. "Thank you, High Chieftain. What can I do for you?"

Bloodhoof paced the room, his hooves sounding quietly on the polished stone floor. "After your most fortunate appearance in the Underhold, Master Shaw, I have regrettably had neither the time nor the opportunity to properly express my thanks to you for your part in saving my life."

Mathias tilted his head. "There was no ne--"

Bloodhoof turned to him and held up a hand. "I know you have no love for the Horde, nor any particular fondness for me. I understand that you regard my friendship with Anduin as something between a security risk and a convenient conduit for information. I do not begrudge you those feelings." He stopped pacing and stood before Mathias. "Yet, I am still in your debt and I do wish to express my gratitude for your actions. 

"Anduin has told me that you have recently taken what he referred to as a 'matelot'. I understand that this type of relationship is similar to a marriage, although I am uncertain of what distinguishes them."

Mathias was puzzled, but explained. "The approval of religious or civil authorities, primarily. It's a partnership between people who, generally speaking, do not have the ability to avail themselves of a formal ceremony among their own people."

Bloodhoof's brow wrinkled. "Despite Anduin's approval, you have had to take this step? I did not realize that your union would cause you problems."

"We could be formally married, should we wish, but there's still a great deal of disapproval due to our perceived social class differences. I'm not sure how that would translate to tauren society, though."

"Hmm. I see. Thank you. From what Anduin has said, your matelot sounds like a very entertaining individual. He says this Fairwind of yours has a great heart. I think I would like to meet him someday."

Mathias's eyebrows rose. That was unexpected. "I'll… see what I can do."

Bloodhoof turned and dug in a basket that rested on a table beside his bed. He drew out a wrapped bundle. "Please, Master Shaw, accept this gift to you and your matelot as a token of my gratitude." He held the bundle out to Mathias, who stood to receive it, bowing to the High Chieftain.

It was bulky but not terribly heavy, and it smelled of cedar and sweet grasses. He unwrapped the cloth, to reveal a large, intricately carved wooden cup, nestled in bundles of dried grass, its symbols painted in sky blue among a riot of plant and animal motifs. The lip of it was inlaid with turquoise. The carved and painted tauren symbols signified peace, unity, and love, from what he'd gathered of their pictographic system. He turned it in his hands, examining it carefully. There didn't seem to be anything dangerous about it, though he'd have it checked over for poisons just on principle later. "What is it?" he asked.

"It is a wedding cup," Bloodhoof said. "When two hearts are joined, the couple drinks from a cup like this during the ceremony. May you be one another's shelter, Master Shaw, and may you have joy."

Shaw blinked, trying not to show the depth of his shock at the whole situation as he re-wrapped the gift. "Thank you," he said, entirely sincerely. "I… I don't know what to say."

The big tauren smiled gently. "There is no need to say anything at all. That you have accepted the gift is sufficient for me. And now, we have all had a very long day. I should go join Anduin, and you should go home to your matelot. Be well, Master Shaw."

"Then I'll bid you goodnight, High Chieftain. I'll see you in the morning." Mathias took his leave and headed back home by way of SI:7. He stopped in briefly for a poison spot check, which took only a few moments. It turned up -- as he'd expected -- negative. Suspicion had always been Mathias's default setting, though, particularly with anything having to do with the Horde. He was pleased that this seemed to be exactly what it was presented as; a gift with kind intent.

Home was a longer walk from the Keep now that he and Flynn had moved to the canal side of the Trade District, but he didn't mind the walk. Mathias was aware of the curious eyes following him, but felt no particular sense of threat. He was still getting used to the sense of exposure that living with Flynn had brought to his life. There could never have been any attempt to conceal a relationship between them; it had begun with Flynn nearly pushing Anduin aside on the deck of a ship to get to him, and a desperate, intimate embrace under the open sky.

Flynn was reading when Mathias got home, curled up in the corner of their sofa. Mathias rolled his eyes -- another Steamy Romance Novel. Flynn apparently thought the things were hilarious and claimed he was actually a minor character in one of them, though Mathias was a little terrified by the thought. 

He looked up from his book when Mathias walked in. "Welcome home, love." Flynn eyed the bundle Mathias held. "What's that?"

"A gift from Baine Bloodhoof," Mathias answered, still not quite certain what to make of the whole thing.

Flynn's eyebrows rose. "From Bloodhoof?" Mathias nodded. "Can I see?" He set the book down on the arm of the sofa and got up. 

Mathias took the bundle to the table and unwrapped it carefully. "It's a--"

"He gave you a wedding cup?" Flynn leaned in to get a close look at it and whistled. "That's got to be the fanciest one I've ever seen." He looked up at Mathias. "It's beautiful."

Mathias was slightly taken aback that Flynn recognized it, but said, "He said that he'd like to meet you sometime. I'll admit I'm not sure how I feel about that, though."

"Well, yeah, Horde leader and all. Can't say as I blame you. The taurens can be a lot of fun, though. Decent folks, on the whole. When the Horde's not burning your town to the ground, I mean." Flynn shrugged.

"Bloodhoof being one of Anduin's closer friends… awkward doesn't even begin to describe the situation. He's apparently told Bloodhoof about you. Hence," Mathias lifted the cup.

" _Oh_. So it's literally a wedding gift, even though we're not married?" Flynn sounded puzzled.

"Anduin told him you were my matelot."

"Ah." Flynn nodded. "Makes sense, then."

Flynn took the cup and the cloth from him. He set the cup on the table and cleared some space on a chest of drawers, then draped the cloth over the top and set the cup on it, surrounded by the grass bundles. "You're supposed to display them on the cloth, from what the taurens I know told me. And this one? It's exceptional. He must really like you for some reason."

"I helped save his life just before the war ended."

Flynn looked at Mathias for a moment. "Oh. Yep. That would do it."

Mathias sighed and dropped onto the couch, exhausted, his elbows resting on his knees, hands dangling. His head drooped. "I have no idea what to make of all this."

"For what it's worth, a tauren wouldn't give you something like this unless they had some kind of goodwill toward you. And you've said that Bloodhoof's Anduin's friend. It might not hurt to relax just a little, at least about him."

Mathias shook his head and looked up at Flynn. "The Horde can never be trusted. Even if some of their individual leaders are honorable, the institution isn't."

Flynn shrugged. "Some would say the same about the Alliance, love."

It was painful but absolutely true. Mathias buried his face in his hands. "I know. But my place was chosen for me long before I had any say in it."

The cushions of the sofa shifted as Flynn sat beside him and draped an arm over his shoulders. "Those of us who tried to stay outside it too often ended up getting swept into it anyway. I fell in with your lot during the war and I don't regret it." He ran his hand up the back of Mathias's neck and into his hair, caressing. Mathias sighed and sank into it, leaning against Flynn's solid warmth. The pauldrons made it awkward. "But that doesn't mean I don't see a little of both sides on it. In the end? My only real concern is you."

"I'm not a priority," Mathias mumbled.

"To them? Maybe not. To me? You're the most important thing in the world." He tugged gently at one pauldron. "Take off the armor, love, and just be for a while."

Mathias straightened up and started unbuckling the pauldrons. He wished his life could be that simple.

***

The High Chieftain disappeared into the portal, returning to Thunder Bluff. Mathias allowed himself to relax slightly now that the Horde leader was gone, though Aunduin watched with a touch of melancholy in his eyes as the portal winked out. Mathias stood patiently, waiting for the king to gather himself.

Anduin turned to him. "Walk with me, Master Shaw." Mathias nodded and followed the king away from the group of advisors and courtiers. Anduin led the way toward his private quarters. Once they were behind closed doors, Anduin gestured to the chairs by the hearth. He slumped, relaxed, into one and Mathias sat in the other. Anduin sighed and stretched. "Thank you for all your efforts of the past several days, Mathias. I know you always find it stressful to deal with Baine's visits but, aside from their potential strategic importance, I think you're aware of how personally important they are to me to maintain contact with my friend."

Mathias nodded. "I've come to understand that, yes."

"Please understand that you do _not_ have to answer this question, but I'll admit I'm curious about what transpired between you and Baine last night. He'd told me he wanted to thank you, and that he had a gift for you."

"He gave me -- us -- a wedding cup. According to Flynn, an exquisite example of the genre."

Anduin raised an eyebrow at that. "Fairwind knows tauren art?"

"He's apparently had some lengthy associations with taurens. At least enough to recognize it for what it was."

"Interesting."

Mathias nodded. "Flynn is… surprising. I never quite know what to expect from him." He leaned back in his chair and stretched his legs a bit. "I hadn't realized you'd told Bloodhoof about my relationship with Flynn."

Anduin shrugged. "It's not exactly a secret."

"True. He asked me what it meant to be someone's matelot. I told him about its less than official status and he seemed rather surprised that we would have that sort of union, despite your approval. I'm not sure it left the best impression with him."

"How so?"

"I think he'll correctly read the kinds of class prejudices that exist within Alliance cultures from our choice."

Anduin nodded. "It's regrettable that they exist, certainly. Changing an entire culture is difficult. That sort of thing has to happen a little at a time. I'm doing what I can."

Mathias sighed. "I know. We can only do so much at once."

"I'll admit, I'm curious. Have you and Flynn considered marrying?"

Mathias hesitated. "We've not discussed it. I don't know how he'd react, to be honest. His relationship with authority is… complicated. I don't know what his feelings are on religious ceremonies, for one thing." Mathias shrugged. "I try not to have anything to do with gods. If I ever did marry, it would be a civil ceremony, but Flynn swears by the Tidemother on a regular basis. I've never been certain whether it's a genuine religious feeling or if it's just a Kul Tiran linguistic tic. It could be either. He's never struck me as particularly superstitious, or at least no more so than most sailors. He doesn't leave me sea stalk flowers when he goes to sea or anything."

"Those are reasonable concerns, I agree." Anduin stood and went to the sideboard. "Coffee?"

Mathias nodded, "Yes, please."

Anduin poured two mugs from the hot pitcher on the sideboard and brought one to him. He sat again as Mathias sipped. "You've been putting in an immense amount of work recently. I know that the situation has been stressful for you, and also that you and Flynn were separated for several weeks."

"It has," Mathias admitted. He was tired, but there never seemed any end in sight.

"If you'd like, starting tomorrow, I would be happy to release you from your duties for a week or so. You and Flynn could get out of the city. Go somewhere quiet, just the two of you. Relax, Mathias. Take time for yourselves. Talk and consider your lives together. Decide what you want and come back with a better sense of yourselves and your relationship."

It sounded deeply, desperately appealing. "Are you certain?"

"The only time I've ever seen you take any time for yourself was after… after Detheroc, and even then only a couple of days. I never thought it was sufficient considering what you'd been through. I think you've taken a total of three individual days since you and Flynn got together, and only after I'd suggested it." Anduin gave a frustrated sigh. "You don't have to put yourself in an early grave in my service, Mathias. You're allowed to be human. You're allowed to rest."

Mathias closed his eyes, cradling the coffee mug close under his nose. He drew in the scent of the coffee and let some of the tension out of his shoulders. Even the idea of an entire week alone with his lover, it seemed nothing more than a shimmering illusion. "I… I think I'd like that, yes," he said, looking up. "Thank you, Anduin."

There were conversations that he'd wanted to have with Flynn that seemed too fraught in the context of the city, of his history here, of the eyes on both of them.

"In all of your years of faithful, exemplary service to me, to my father, and to the Alliance, you have never asked for a single thing for yourself. You deserve so much more than just a week of privacy. I hope to have you and your counsel for quite some time to come and, when you decide that your lifetime of service is ended, I want to be able to give you a suitable reward for everything you've done. Your value to me cannot be overstated."

There were so many layers to this, Mathias thought. He'd made so many mistakes over the years, mistakes that had cost lives. But he also understood the intent behind Anduin's offer. "I'm honored." It was entirely inadequate, but Mathias couldn't find the words for what he felt. "My service to Stormwind, to your family, to the Alliance -- it's all I've ever known."

"Then I hope that you'll give yourself permission to know some semblance of peace and freedom with the man you've chosen as your partner," Anduin said, quiet.

"He's… been a surprisingly good teacher." Mathias thought of the brightness of Flynn's eyes when he smiled, the ring of his laughter, the way Flynn spun him in his arms when they'd danced. "Perhaps I can learn something new."

"You're an intelligent man, Mathias. I know you can."

***

Mathias led Flynn to the SI:7 stables, where they requisitioned a pair of gryphons to take them out of the city. He felt naked without his armor, but where they were going was quiet and safe, and Renzik had sent out someone to check the area over and to stay well away but keep watch earlier that morning. They'd genuinely be alone, but with someone close enough to help if their security was broken, and close enough to the city that he could be recalled quickly in an emergency.

Flynn tied a pack of supplies to his gryphon's back. "So where are we going?" he asked. "I'm a bit miffed that you wouldn't tell me."

"Into the mountains," Mathias said. "Above Northshire, between Stormwind and the Burning Steppes. There's a river flowing through there, and a couple of cabins that aren't reachable except by flying mounts."

"I have no idea where that is," Flynn said.

Mathias chuckled. "Which was why it was pointless to tell you. You'll see. It's not far."

"Going to land-lock me, are you?"

Mathias shrugged as he secured his own pack to his gryphon. "I'm hoping you'll be too occupied to notice."

"Oooh, I like the sound of that."

"Patience, scoundrel." Mathias couldn't help his smile and the warmth in his heart.

They mounted up and Mathias urged his gryphon to the sky, with Flynn following close. The flight didn't take that long, and they set down in a grassy area near the river among the steep, forested mountainsides. It was cool and green, and Mathias found the sound of the moving water restful. The weather was starting to get autumnal, but the leaves hadn't yet started turning. The nights up here were likely to get cold. All the better to curl up with Flynn when they went to bed, he thought.

Mathias led his gryphon along the path in among the trees, and Flynn walked behind him. The cabin was hidden in a quiet copse. The air was hushed, with birdsong, the breeze among rustling leaves, and flowing water the only sounds aside from the tread of the gryphons on the path. Mathias took a deep breath and closed his eyes, letting it out slowly. There was a roost for a pair of gryphons beside the cabin; they took the reins from the mounts and hung them outside the cabin door. He and Flynn took their packs and brought them into the cabin. The gryphons themselves were well-trained and would remain nearby, leaving only to hunt, or to fly, but they'd return if Mathias whistled.

The cabin had been cleaned and aired out before they arrived. There was plenty of dry, seasoned firewood and kindling. The bed had sheets and blankets. The place was occasionally used as an SI:7 safehouse, so it would be dry and comfortable inside, even if the weather was poor. There might be rain later during the week, but the day so far had been sunny and clear.

Mathias and Flynn put away their clothes, and the food and other supplies they'd brought with them. "Do you want to have a look around?" Mathias asked.

"I don't know," Flynn said with a grin. "I might rather have you."

Mathias smiled. "There'll be time enough for that. We have a week."

"And we should get started now!" Flynn waggled his eyebrows.

"You're incorrigible." Mathias put an arm around him. "Come walk with me, you insatiable beast. I'd like to unwind a little before you ravage me."

Flynn gave an exaggerated sigh. "At least you acknowledge the ravagement is coming."

"I'm counting on it," Mathias purred.

***

Mathias sat in the sun, watching Flynn swim in the river. The man's skin glistened as he moved. He was beautiful, his long hair unbound, flowing like the water itself, and Mathias marveled at his luck that Flynn was his.

He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve a man with a heart as big as Flynn's, but Light, he needed him. He wanted him so badly, even knowing he had him. He'd wanted someone else once, and it had been disastrous. Even now, in the back of his mind, he was convinced that what he had with Flynn would someday blow up in his face.

There would be a disaster. There always was. And his world would end.

Flynn came sloshing up to him, naked, water running down his skin. "Mathias, I was thinking --" Flynn's eyes caught his and he went silent for a moment. He knelt on the blanket where Mathias sat. His wet arms went around Mathias's chest. "What's wrong, love? What's got you so sad on a beautiful day like this?"

Mathias was silent for several minutes, his arms around his lover. Flynn was surprisingly patient. He moved to sit next to Mathias and just held him. The water soaked into Mathias's clothes. "Endings," Mathias said, eventually. "Something Pathonia said once, when I was young, that I didn't understand at the time."

"What did she say?" Flynn asked quietly.

" _Friendship is weakness. Practice solitude like you practice your dagger technique._ " 

"She said that?" Flynn sounded astonished. "That's utter bollocks."

Mathias leaned into Flynn and rested his head on the man's shoulder. "From the time I was four years old, she forged me into a weapon. I thought that was part of it -- that she believed I should never have anyone in my life. And perhaps that was the case; maybe it's still true. But I just realized that, when she said it the first time, it was a warning about something specific. About some _one_ specific. And that I should have listened."

"Oh, love," Flynn whispered. He tugged Mathias down onto the blanket and Mathias lay his head on Flynn's bare, wet chest, listening to his heart beat. "Who hurt you so much that you feel like you should have listened to that shit advice?"

Mathias sighed. "I was young, and stupid, and I had a friend that I desperately wanted to impress. I was in love with him, but he didn't want me in the same way. I don't think he ever could have."

"What happened?" Flynn's fingers traced up and down Mathias's shoulder.

"His name was Edwin VanCleef. We grew up together. He was a roofwalker and brilliant at lockpicking and defeating mechanical traps. I was always attracted to him, and I spent time teaching him everything I knew, every secret of the assassin's arts that I had learned from Pathonia. He was a gifted student, but nothing I did truly impressed him; never in the way I wanted it to." The memories crowded around him, thick and painful. Mathias's enthusiasm, Edwin's careful parry of his every amorous advance. His pathetic hope that things could change between them.

Flynn nuzzled at Mathias's hair. "It's hard when you want someone who doesn't want you back."

Flynn was right; it had been hard, and Mathias hadn't taken it well. "Edwin's father was a stonemason, and he learned the trade from him. After the orcs invaded Stormwind and destroyed the original city, he led the Stonemason's Guild in its reconstruction. He and our friend Baros Alexston designed and built the Cathedral and the Keep. The walls. Everything. The Stormwind you know is almost entirely their work. Every stone…"

"That's what you meant when I asked you about Lion's Rest."

Mathias nodded. "But the nobility refused to pay the masons, urged on by Lady Katrana Prestor. There were riots, with Edwin leading the guild in voicing their demands. Queen Tiffin, Anduin's mother, supported the masons in their desire for justice, but she was killed during one of the riots, and King Varian was… his wrath was unsuppressable. The masons were exiled. Edwin was furious and founded the Defias Brotherhood -- rogues and assassins to rival the Stormwind Assassins Guild, and SI:7. They kidnapped Varian on behalf of the dragon Onyxia, who'd been posing as Lady Prestor, and who had been playing everyone against each other."

"Your friend. This bloke you fell in love with, who for whatever reason didn't want you. He did all that?" Flynn's arms tightened around him.

"Yes. The story took more convoluted turns than you can imagine, and ended with Onyxia kidnapping Anduin after his father's return. Varian, Jaina Proudmoore, and a company of heroes raided her lair to bring the boy home again, but it was a terrible battle. Edwin was still in hiding, coordinating banditry and attacks across the entire region. He vowed to destroy the city he'd built." Mathias ran his hand up Flynn's chest. "I gave him the ability to do that. I taught him everything that he used in his efforts to destroy Anduin's family, and all of Stormwind." It was his fault, all of it. He had no idea why Anduin had forgiven him.

Flynn ran a gentle thumb over Mathias's cheek. "Where is he now?"

"Dead. But his daughter Vanessa is still out there, and she's rebuilt the Defias. She's vowed revenge for her father's death." They'd had to occasionally work together through the Uncrowned during the Legion invasions after he'd been rescued, but he'd always watched his back. He knew she would always be a danger to him.

"And you think your gran was warning you about this VanCleef bloke." He was curious. Skeptical.

Mathias nodded. "I think she saw how I'd fallen for him, that she knew he'd never return those feelings. She never approved of any of my attachments to other people, but she was particularly pointed about Edwin."

"Kind of hard to have the perfect weapon if it has a mind of its own, Mathias. Even worse if the weapon has a heart and falls in love." Flynn turned Mathias's face with a finger under his chin, and kissed him, soft and gentle. "That's a terrible story. No wonder you're sad."

"What happened, it was all my fault. If I'd not been so blinded by my desire for him --"

Flynn put a finger over Mathias's lips. "You said this dragon, Onyxia, was manipulating everyone, and so _she_ had to be the one that really started the whole mess."

"She did, but--"

"But nothing." Flynn shifted and sat, and Mathias sat with him. "You know what you're best at, Mathias? Feeling guilty for things that aren't your fault. You're fantastic at blaming yourself for things that're completely beyond your control, like what happened with Detheroc." He rested his forehead against Mathias's. "You're only human, love. Falling in love isn't wrong, even if you fell for the wrong person."

"I could have prevented--"

Flynn stopped his lips with another kiss. "You could have personally stopped a dragon? You could have personally stopped the Burning Legion? Just the one of you, by yourself? I mean, I know you've got an ego, but that seems pretty extreme."

Mathias's temper flared. "You don't understand!" There had to have been a way. There had to have been something within his reach that would have turned the tide of those events.

Flynn snorted. "I understand perfectly well that you're beating yourself for this, years later." He reached out and cupped Mathias's jaw in one large hand. "What if that had been me, love? What if I'd been the one who'd tried to impress the lad and been rebuffed? What if I'd stood and watched helplessly while some dragon played political games with everyone and then sat back and watched the city fall into chaos? Would you blame me for it when things collapsed? Would it have been my fault, the choices this Edwin bloke made? My fault that Anduin's mother died in the riots? My fault that a bloody dragon kidnapped the kid?"

Frustrated, Mathias snapped, "No, of course not, but you're not--"

"Not what?" Flynn said, irritated. "Not you? Not _Mathias Shaw_ , who's never been allowed to make a mistake or have a feeling that someone else didn't dictate for him?"

"Flynn--"

Flynn's eyes narrowed. "No, you listen to me," he growled. He grasped Mathias by both shoulders. "You are a brilliant man. You are skilled beyond belief in what you do. But you are still only _one_ man, and you're _not gifted with prophecy._ You couldn't have seen the future. You couldn't have prevented it. And it sounds like Edwin would have found a way to get his revenge whether you'd taught him how to stick a knife in somebody or not." He pushed out an angry breath. "It sounds to me like your dear old gran expected you to be a stone golem, without a thought of your own, without a heart, without any free will at all, and you swallowed that hook because you were too young to know different -- too young to fight it. You've been jerking at the end of her line for decades, Mathias. _Cut the Tides-damned string._ Spit out the hook. It'll hurt to have it torn out, because it's been set in so deep, but then it'll heal."

"You make it sound easy," Mathias spat, furious. He took Flynn's arm in one hand, fingers tight, resisting the urge to strike out. He didn't want to hurt Flynn, but the anger roiled in his gut.

"It isn't," Flynn murmured. "It never will be. I can't tell you it won't hurt, because it will. But I'll be here with you, the whole way. I promise."

Mathias lurched to his feet, shaking Flynn's hands from him, and stormed off into the trees, a mass of rage and pain.

Flynn didn't follow. He didn't even rise from the blanket, but let Mathias leave. Mathias vanished into the shadows of the trees, consumed by a maelstrom of images and emotions, and all of it too raw and sharp to contain.

This. This was exactly why he never took time for himself. Give him time to think and the past consumed him. When he'd been in the Zandalari prison, he'd drowned in his thoughts of Flynn. Felsoul Hold… that had been another level of horror that he'd been trying to scrape like barnacles from his mind.

His thoughts raced yet again through everything that had happened, all the twists and turns of his fate, and he saw no way out of the maze. Every path was a dead end, every option an illusion. If Edwin had loved him, that wouldn't have changed the course of events. It wouldn't have changed Onyxia's actions. 

If Edwin had loved him, it would only have made everything worse, the betrayals deeper, the pain sharper. The fact that he'd wanted that connection didn't change anything.

If Mathias hadn't loved Edwin, the only thing that might be different was how damned much he hated himself for what had transpired. Pathonia would have been the same implacable force in his life, her expertise the same distant, envied goal. Mathias would stand forever in her shadow, a mere reflection of her skill.

He heard Flynn's voice, singing quietly to himself, and the sound pierced him like an arrow. Mathias leaned against a tree, one hand braced on the trunk, his head hanging as he struggled with the memories, and the sharp reminder of his present.

Flynn. Oh, Light, what would he do without Flynn?

The man was by turns wonderful and aggravating, brilliant and ridiculous, charming and the most annoying creature on the planet. Mathias's entire life had shattered and turned since Flynn came into it, prying open the most guarded places in his heart. Flynn was a gift that Mathias didn't know how to accept. Surely the course of Mathias's life would eventually destroy his lover and that terrified him. 

He rested both arms against the trunk of the tree and buried his face in them, struggling to just breathe quietly and let the wave of misery pass over him. He shuddered, pushing the worst of his memories away.

Flynn's song faded and, a few moments later, Mathias heard him rustling through the underbrush. The man could move silently when he wanted to; Mathias knew Flynn was warning him that he was coming. He let him approach.

One warm, gentle hand rested on his shoulder. "Are you ready to come back, or do you need more time?" Flynn asked, hesitant.

Mathias took a deep breath. He straightened his shoulders and turned, tangling himself in Flynn's arms. The man had put trousers on but nothing else. His skin smelled of sunlight and forest and Mathias clung to him. "I'll come back," he murmured. Flynn pressed a soft kiss to the top of Mathias's head. He held Mathias close, just waiting, silent.

Finally, Mathias let go and took Flynn's hand. They walked back to the blanket in the sun together and sat again, side by side, with Flynn's arm around Mathias's shoulder. "How am I supposed to cut the string?" he asked. "How do you draw out a hook that's driven so deep into your chest that it's become a part of you?"

Flynn nuzzled at Mathias's temple. "You've already started, love. Just asking that question, just wanting to, that's the start." Mathias stared out at the river, letting Flynn hold him. "It takes time, untying the knots. It's not something I can do for you, but I'll be your marlinspike if you need some of the things loosened up a bit so you can pull them apart."

"What would I do without you?" Mathias murmured.

"Be considerably more bored?" Flynn smiled.

Mathias chuckled. "That's likely."

"Gotta keep you on your toes." Flynn tugged him down onto the blanket and pulled Mathias on top of him, wrapping him in his arms. They stayed that way until the sun disappeared.

***

Mathias practiced his birdcalls, a little piece of grass cupped between his hands. He was trying to bend the sound to the warble of a vireo and thought he was getting close. Flynn had discovered a particularly bouncy tree branch that rested low near the water and was swinging on it like a hyperactive hozen, dangling from it by his knees like a little boy, his arms flailing as he whooped happily.

It was hard to shape his lips properly for the sound through his smile, but he tried. The birdcall soured and went off in an entirely different direction as Flynn got the branch bouncing wildly. "Mathias, watch!" He bounced again and flipped from the limb, tucking his knees into his arms to spin round, head over heels, then landed neatly on his feet, hands in the air, with a delighted shout.

Mathias laughed. "Well done! I'm sure you'll make a fine apprentice hozen!"

"Apprentice! I'll have you know that was a brilliant flip!" Flynn came trotting over to where Mathias was sitting in the grass and dropped next to him.

"It wasn't bad," Mathias teased. He couldn't help smiling.

Flynn butted his shoulder against Mathias's. "Can you teach me to do that? The whistle thing?"

"Do you really want to learn?" 

Flynn nodded. "It sounded nice."

"I was getting there until you made me laugh." Mathias elbowed him and Flynn oofed. He reached down and poked around in the grass for a moment until he found a blade of about the right length for Flynn's hands. "Here," he said, handing him the grass.

Flynn's eyes went soft and he smiled. "Another one? For me? Generous."

"You hold it like this," Mathias said, cupping his own blade of grass in his hands and showing Flynn the shape of them. "It's not that hard to get it to make a sound, but making it do what you want is harder." He held it up to his lips and blew an oriole call; it was easier than the vireo. Flynn watched, fascinated. "You change the sound by changing the shape of the hollow of your hands, and of your mouth."

Flynn tried cupping his blade of grass. It took him several tries before he got a squawk out of the thing, but he looked pleased by it. Mathias reached around Flynn, holding him as he cupped the man's hands and helped him shape them as Flynn blew into them, and the sound eased, becoming more fluid. "Like that," Mathias murmured.

"Let me try," Flynn said. He shifted his hands again and blew. It took a few minutes but eventually he got a passable imitation of a seagull's screel out of the grass.

"That's good," Mathias said. "You just need a little practice and you'll have it."

Flynn got a sly look in his eyes. "I know what would help me practice the shape of my mouth," he said, his voice going dangerously low. The sound shivered through Mathias's body and he wasn't about to say no.

"Show me," he smirked.

Flynn dropped the blade of grass and tugged Mathias close, brushing their noses together; he kissed Mathias slowly, a gentle trace of lips and then the sweet slick brush of the tip of his tongue. Mathias sighed into it, pulling Flynn to him, his eyes closing in pleasure. Flynn's hand tugged at Mathias's shirt, opening the buttons one by one, then caressed his chest, slow and sensual. His hands were calloused with years of handling the rigging at sea, that roughness dragging sensation from Mathias's skin.

"You like this," Flynn murmured against Mathias's lips.

"Always."

Flynn kissed a trail down Mathias's chin, brushing along the line of his throat and Mathias tilted his head back, letting his lover do as he pleased. Flynn's fingers were in Mathias's hair, and his other hand had already worked its way down toward the fastening of Mathias's trousers, brushing against his cock and stirring it to life.

The route Flynn took down Mathias's chest was leisurely and detoured for a visit to both of his nipples, which tightened under Flynn's lips. Mathias's breathing grew unsteady and he lay back in the grass, his back arching as he panted.

"I love watching you come apart," Flynn said as he nuzzled the wiry copper hair at Mathias's groin. Mathias moaned softly and looked down, meeting Flynn's eyes. Flynn grinned wickedly and kissed the tip of Mathias's cock. A moment later, Flynn's eyes closed and he sucked him down, his lips stretching, wet, around him. Mathias gasped, his head dropping back into the cup of Flynn's palm. Flynn hummed his approval and it made Mathias shudder as a shock of pleasure shivered its way up his spine.

"Please," Mathias whispered. "Please." His hand found Flynn's long hair and he tangled his fingers in it, tugging slightly as he knew his lover liked. Flynn hummed again and Mathias shivered, his nipples going tight. He could feel the gentle breeze around them against his bare skin and it only intensified everything else he was feeling.

He drew up one knee, spreading his thighs so Flynn could get closer, and the man moved to rest between his legs, his hands shifting to Mathias's hips, holding him where he wanted him. It was slow and slick, and Flynn's mouth was hot and wet as summer rain. Mathias moaned again.

Flynn drew back for a moment. "I love to hear you. You're always so quiet in the city. This is nice."

Mathias's breath was rough when he spoke. "Too many people around. They don't need to know what we're doing."

Flynn stroked him as he said, "There's no one here to hear. Let it out, love." His head ducked back down, and he licked the hot skin of Mathias's shaft then sucked him in again. Flynn's head bobbed slowly, his lips pulling and squeezing, his teeth carefully held away. Mathias's hips moved with Flynn's rhythm, pressing gently as his body begged for more. He couldn't help the small sounds he made as he writhed slowly in the grass.

Flynn's hand found his bollocks and caressed as he sucked, and when he found his release, Mathias's voice was its own birdcall, rising high and sharp into the clear mountain air.

His chest heaving, Mathias drew Flynn up and kissed him. He could taste himself on his lover's lips but he didn't care. Flynn held him and Mathias reached into Flynn's trousers to take him in hand, stroking him until Flynn joined him in an exhausted post-orgasmic embrace.

***

The hearth fire in the cabin was warm in the crisp cold of the autumnal mountain night. Mathias and Flynn lay under the blankets of their bed, curled in one another's arms.

"We'll be heading back to Stormwind tomorrow, won't we?" Flynn asked, regret in his voice. 

Mathias nodded. "We can go in the late morning, have some time to settle back in at home before either of us has to do anything official."

Flynn's head lay on Mathias's chest and he ran his fingers through Flynn's long, auburn hair. Flynn rested one hand in front of his nose, his own fingers tracing patterns on Mathias's bare skin. "I know we've had some… difficult talks while we've been here, love. Are you doing all right?"

"I think so. As much as I can, anyway. It's a lot to carry. It'll take time to sort through all of it." There were decades of it. A lifetime of it. All he'd done was start to chip away at the surface. He slipped his hand down from Flynn's hair to his shoulders, caressing. 

Flynn nodded, his hair tickling Mathias's skin. "You've been through so much."

"So have you." He didn't know all of Flynn's story, but he'd heard enough to understand how awful his childhood had been, and to know that turning to piracy had been a better option than staying in Dampwick.

"Not a contest, Mathias. It is what it is." Flynn tilted his head and looked up at him, his eyes in shadow as the firelight flickered against the walls.

"I know," Mathias whispered.

"I just want you to walk beside me, love. We'll find our way."

"We will," Mathias said. He ran one finger along Flynn's lower lip. Flynn kissed it. "I know we will."


End file.
